Redneck Computer Lingo
Hard Drive
:
Trying
to climb a steep, muddy hill with three flat tires and pulling a trailer load of
fertilizer.
Keyboard: Place to
hang your truck keys.
Window: Place in
the truck to hang your gun.
Floppy: When you
run out of Polygrip.
Modem: How to got
rid of your dandelions.
ROM:
Delicious
when you mix it with coca cola.
Byte: First word
in a kiss-off phrase.
Reboot:
What you
do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
Network:
Activity
meant to provide bait for your trout line.
Mouse:
Fuzzy, soft
thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
LAN: To borrow as
in, "Hey Bubba! LAN me yore truck."
Cursor:
What some guys do
when they are mad at their wives and/or girlfriends.
Bit: A wager as in
"I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch long ways."
Digital Control:
What yore fingers do on the TV remote.
Packet:
What you
do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bags before a trip.
Log On: Makin' the wood stove
hotter.
Log Off: Don't add any more
wood.
Monitor: Keep an eye on the wood stove.
Download: Gettin' the firewood off the
pickup.
Mega Hertz: The result of careless downloadin'
(watch those toes)
Disk Operating System: The equipment the
Doc uses when you have a floppy disk.
RAM: The hydraulic thing that makes the
woodsplitter work.
Prompt: What you wished the
mail was during mud season.
Screen: What you need during black fly
season.
Byte: What black flies do.
Chip: Something to munch on.
Micro Chip: What's left in the bag after the
chips are gone.
Infrared: Where the leftovers go when Fred's
around.
Dot Matrix: John Matrix's wife.
Printer: Someone who can't write in
cursive.
Laptop: Where little kids feel comfy.
Software: Them plastic eatin' utensils.
486: One of them fancy imported cars.
Main Frame: The part of the barn that holds up
the roof.
Port: Fancy wine.
Enter: C'mon in.
Random Access Memory: You suddenly can't
remember how much the new rifle costs.
Digital: The numbers that flip on your alarm clock
Program: What's on TV when
there's reception.
CD ROM: The place in
the back where they sell retirement accounts.
Apple: Nevermind, if
you don't know what an apple is, I ain't tellin'.
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