Thangs A Redneck Will Say

Well, I never!!
She's meaner than a sack full of rattlesnakes.
Busier than a one-legged man in a butt kickin contest.
This is gooder'n grits.
Wild as a peach orchard hog.
"Bubba's so buck toothed he could eat corn on the cob through a key hole."
Slicker than a chased greased hog.
Well hush my mouth!
Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!
He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!
Ol' boy's tough as whit leather.
Mama, he's been beat with a big ole ugly stick.
Slick as an eel.
He ran like a scalded dog.
Don't pee down my back and tell me it's rainin!
Fat as a tub o' lard.
I just got done changin Juinor's diaper, when he buttered his britches again!!
Cold as a well digger's tail.
Well color me stupid!
The po-leece are on to us like stink on a polecat!
Busier than a blind man at a strip show!
Colder than a mother-in-laws kiss.
Hotter than a 2 dollar pistol.
"Emma Sue, I reckon a love like ours is as scarce as hen's teeth."
He's nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full o' rockin chairs.
Jim Bob's so dull he couldn't cut hot butter with a knife!
"Emma Mae's new hat's as purty as a speckled pup."
He's tougher than a one eared alley cat.
Boy Howdy! She was madder than the snake that married the garden hose!
"Jed done gone and got yankee rich."
He's faster than greased lightning.
Jethro's dumber than a box of rocks.
He's so poor he'd have to borrow moeny to buy water to cry with.
She's so ugly she'd run a dog off a meat wagon.
He's as sorry as a two dollar watch.
Better than snuff, ain't half as dusty.
It's colder than a witches tit in a brass brassier!
He's older than the mountains and got twice as much dust.
Slicker than deer guts on a skinnin' knife.
She's limber as a dishrag.
"I'd be happier than a coondog on a bare leg, if you'd marry me, Betty Sue."
He's slicker than snot on a doorknob.
That just plum curdles my guts!
He's so tight he walks over a penny an his Butt quivers.
That new wool sweater's rough as a cob.
"I'm just plain plumb tuckered out today."
He's worthless as tits on a boar!
Well cut off my legs an call me shorty!
That was slicker than clean socks on a waxed floor!
This Summer's hotter than butter on a biscuit
"The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead"
"I'm lower'en a snakes belly in a wagon rut, since my Loretta done left me."
Busier than a cat coverin crap on a marble floor.
"No more pie for me, Ma, I'm full as a tick!"
It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch.
She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm.
I was told today that I was "Sweet as Salt" and "Pure as the Driven Snow"
He's as country as cornflakes.
A bothersome person is "like a booger that ya can't thump off!"
If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.
He's happier'n a preacher's son at a biker-babe rally!