One evening the limo was speeding down the highway. It was just past dusk. Suddenly, a cow rambled onto the road. The car hit it broadside and came to a stop. Nancy, in her usual charming manner, said to the chauffeur, "You get out and check. You were driving." So the chauffeur got out, checked, and reported that the animal was dead but assured her it was an old cow.

"You were driving, so you go and tell the farmer," said Nancy. The chauffeur climbed out of the car and walked down the long farm lane. Two hours later the chauffeur returned smoking a cigar, totally plastered, hair ruffled, with a big grin on his face.

"My God, what happened to you?" asked Nancy.

The chauffeur replied, "When I got there, the farmer gave me a Cuban cigar and opened his best bottle of malt whiskey, the wife gave me a slap-up meal, and their daughter made love to me."

"What on earth did you say?" asks Nancy.

"I just knocked on the door, and when it opened I said to them, I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow."

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Three surgeons, two from Georgia and one from California, were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Georgia. In my favorite case, a concert pianist from Atlanta lost seven fingers in an accident. I reattached them and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

The second surgeon said, "That's nothing. A young man from Savannah lost an arm and both legs in an accident. I reattached them and 2 years later he won a gold medal in track and field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon from California said, "You guys are amateurs. About 15 years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together and now she's Speaker of The House."

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