One evening Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road in a redneck area down South. Suddenly, an old cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't -- the old cow was killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened.

She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists. About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, an expensive Cuban cigar in the other and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

"What happened?" asked Hillary. "Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made mad passionate love to me." "My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary. The driver replied: "I said, I'm Hillary Clinton's driver, and I just killed the old cow."


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Three surgeons, two from Georgia and one from Arkansas, were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Georgia. In my favorite case, a concert pianist from Atlanta lost seven fingers in an accident. I reattached them and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

The second surgeon said, "That's nothing. A young man from Savannah lost an arm and both legs in an accident. I reattached them and 2 years later he won a gold medal in track and field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon from Arkansas said, "You guys are amateurs. About 15 years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's blonde hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together and now she's a senator from New York."

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Clinton and the Genie
Bill Clinton was walking along the beach when he stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and lo-and-behold, a Genie appeared. Bill was amazed and asked if he got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope...Due to inflation, constant downswing, low wages in third world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...What'll it be?"

Bill didn't hesitate. He said, "I want to be remembered for bringing peace to the Middle East, instead of that other stuff with Monica, and Jennifer, and the rest of those women. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."

The Genie looked at the map of the Middle East and exclaimed, "Jeez, Fella! These people have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good. I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."

Bill thought for a minute and said, "You know, people really don't like my wife. Even though she got elected, they call her a carpetbagger. They think she's mean, ugly, and pushes me around. I wish for her to be the most beautiful woman in the world and I want everybody to like her. That's what I want."

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Lemme see that map again."

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When Clinton was Prez...

 When Bill Clinton was president, he and Hillary were at a Yankee season opener sitting in the first row, with their Secret Service agents directly behind them. One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill.

At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head. The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was at the unanimous request of the entire team, from the owner on down to the bat boy. "

Bill hesitates... but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him the fans would love it! Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Okay, if that's what the people want."

With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the field.

She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, "I'll kill you! You Mother *%$%**!!!..

The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up and down, cheering, hooting, hollering, and high-fiving. Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd.

He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that! I would never have believed how much everyone would enjoy that!"

Noticing his agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong. The agent replies, "Sir, I said they wanted you to throw out the first Pitch."
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My Gawd, where does Bill find
these awful tasting cigars?
Why would anyone hang out at
this despicable web site?

Hi-Tech Redneck.Com